you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
