I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All the doctor said was why
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
