forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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