Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
