so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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