Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize