the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So gin and wine won't be happening again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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