coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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