I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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