Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
