thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
