I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
