Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
