she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
