just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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