Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
