hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
