Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
