I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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