another moral hangover. fuck.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
