Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
