I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
