i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
