she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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