his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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