I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
