nut hugger
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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