Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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