Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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