no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
