dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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