One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm at about main and main street
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
