i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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