I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
