with your own penis?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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