what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
