Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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