I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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