oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
