in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
