Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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