So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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