I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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