If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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