I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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