my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
