did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
