Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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