; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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