you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
