Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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