I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
