HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
