Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
