you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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