I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
