Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
