Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
