turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
