Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
