remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
